July is here! What! Where did June go? It is the beginning of the month and that means for me...Gratitude List! So here our my thoughts for today!
1. I am grateful for friends. This is an extremely delicate issue for me to write and I am scared to death to do it. My entire life, I have always felt like I was on the outside of the bubble of friends. I have had some great girl friends here and there but it seemed like the relationships would desolve as quickly as they had appeared. When I was younger, I was more dependent on my guy relationships, but being married now, those relationships are just not appropriate. I have clearly stated that Brian is my best friend and he will be there for me in this life and the next, but friends outside of him are out of my comfort zone. Women are a whole different creature and honestly put, a lot of women do not mesh with me. Even though I am 28 years old, I still get upset on being left out, being made fun of or being blamed for angry feelings. So sometimes when women are nice to me, I pull back because I am just waiting for the back lash to hit. Some of you may not comprehend what I am saying because you have had awesome life long friends your entire life, but some of you are like me and understand when I say that I am the Queen of the Outcast club.
I can honestly say that this last month I have had some great friends reach out to me and genuinely love me. If you could see me now, I have tears rolling down my face because I have never had someone consistantly hang in there with me and not "write me off" because of our differences. Women who recognize that I am aware of my weaknesses and love me anyways. Angels in my life who lifted me up when I just wanted to stay down. Or even took just a couple minutes of their lives to say they were thinking of me and would pray for our family. That means a lot to me and I hope and pray that this blissful feeling will not go away. So thank you to my YW leaders Becky and Katie and Caroline. Thank you for bringing me the flowers and being concerned about my sanity. Thank you to my mom for being concerned and offering everything and the kitchen sink to help out. Thank you Ann, for calling me and talking with me and allowing me to borrow some movies. Thank you Christy for sending the little emails and putting my name on the prayer roles. Thank you Nixons, for you kind talks and the sacred conversation we had in the chapel the other day. Thank you Kristen, C and N for having an awesome girls night out and the endless laughs that really have given me strength. Thank you Joyce for always being willing to help out with Shaeler. Thank you for all the women in my life who truly stand as honorable women and being a part of my life.
2. I am thankful for sunrises. My favorite time in the morning is 6:00 am. I usually get up and go for a walk or run. It is sheer me time. Although I have gained 11lbs in the past couple of months, the walking gives me peace sheerly because of the sunrises I get to witness every morning. Every morning, I have a personal witnessing that there is a God and he created this beautiful world. The mountains are usually purple and the sky is purple, to red to blue. It is the most breath taking and almost blinding experience at the same time. One of my favorite things in this whole world is a sunrise with the clouds and the multiple colors that gleam across the sky. I am thankful for this beautiful world/home that I have been given to learn. It seems like my day runs a whole lot better when the first thing I see is the Son. ;)
3. I am thankful for service. I am 4 hours into my 10 hour service project and it has been an interesting ride. Also serving with the Lions Club this year has completely changed my perspective on where and what I do with my time. I find it interesting how people are reluctant to let others serve them. It is not a matter that you can do it yourself, it is a matter of allowing someone to love you with the act of kindness. King Benjamin says "when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." (Mosiah 2:17) What King Benjamin states is purely true and I have a personal testimony of that. When I am serving, I feel closer to the Savior and also those I am serving. And that is a precious gift that I am extremely grateful for.
4. I am so grateful to be part of Trek! Being a part of Trek has changed my life this year. It has opened my eyes to the wonderful heritage that I had never paid any attention to. I am in awe of their stories and their examples. I am so blessed to be able to walk the path that the Loader family was actually a part of. Brian and I had a lovely chat with M Buker last night and he was telling us that after this year, going on Trek will be a lot harder for Stakes and Wards. They are increasing the prices and decreasing the dates of availability. He said that it will be a long list of priority of who came last. I know that I will not be in YW forever and this is probably my only chance to make it out to Martins Cove. What a blessing this experience has brought to me. I was not offered the opportunity to go on Trek when I was a youth and this will probably be my one and only time to go! I am so thankful that I am able to serve as a Ma and being able to go this year. I plan on making it the best experience I can for myself and all around me.
5. Last but not least, I am thankful for.......................................................The Budget! We all knew that it was coming and I had to say it. This last month, we wiped out 1 of 2 debts that we owed. In the next few months, I will be completly debt free other than my home. We will then start saving for our emergency fund and then we will be attacking our mortgage. Crazy that in 3 months, I have taken control of my money and I am freeing myself from debt. It is empowering, it is motivating and it brings me great happiness. How cool would it be to be 30 and have no mortgage. I hold on to staying disciplines to the budget because I want to serve a mission with Brian one day. And to be able to walk away from our home that is paid for and not have to worry about payments would be AWESOME!! To go on vacation and have it all paid for. To send Shaeler to collage and her not having to worry about loans once she starts her future. To teach her that we do not have to have credit card, car and mortgage payments. We pay cash for everything and we owe no one anything. I love it! I am so grateful for this life lesson hitting me now!