Surrender

I would like to begin by thanking all of you for your kind sentiments. It has really meant a lot to me. I have had a lot of inquires about what happened and so I will briefly share the story with you all and not have to tear up when someone says "what happened?"

Brian's alarm goes off at 5:30 every morning. It is kind of a time to start waking up kind of alarm as the sunlight reflecting off our bedroom wall is really our real alarm. Brian usually gets up to go to the bathroom. About this time, Saraphina is doing one of two things. She either joins Brian for some morning coaxing and loving or most often she sits on our kitchen table to watch the sunrise or the dog in the backyard behind us. I always thought it was the sunrise, but that is just my wishful thinking.

Brian went out into the kitchen and saw Saraphina lying on the kitchen floor under the table. She was laying in a position he had never seen her lay before. He walked over to her and saw that her tongue was hanging out and there was urine on the floor. He yelled out to me, "something is wrong, Suzanne come here!"

I got out of bed to come into the kitchen to see her lying on the floor with Brian trying to coax her to get up. I ran over to them and saw her tongue and the urine and I knew that these were all signs that she was gone. I started crying. Brian wanted to put her in a box because she was leaking and so I ran downstairs frantically looking for a box while sobbing. Did not find a box.

We then wrapped her in a towel and placed her in the pet carrier.

Then we knew we had to break the news to Shaeler. Shaeler took it very well. She didn't cry, she just accepted it. There is no room in our backyard to bury her where she wouldn't be disturbed, so at 6:00 in the morning, we drove over to Brian's parents house and buried her behind the garage. I cried the entire time.

I ask only for your empathy at this time. To some, you may feel that this is an over reaction to an animal. I get that. However, Saraphina was something extra special to me and I will miss her greatly. She was a great method of healing as we were struggling through our infertility issues. We are still in shock as there were no signs or warnings and she was just barely a year old if that. She was playing and running around the house as we all went to bed the night before. In many ways I feel liked I was robbed of time with a really cool cat. Some of my favorite memories of her will be:

Waiting for me at the door every time I came home.

Being chased by her through the house with her funny side ways pounce and puffed up tail.

Her early morning sunrise observations.

The sound of the blinds being scuffled because she wants to look outside.

Footprints on my windshield of my car because she was playing in the garage.

Her patience in playing with Shaeler and being pushed around in a baby stroller or sitting next to Shaeler as Shae drove her car around the basement.

Holes in my sweater.

Curling up on my lap.

The feenite dwelling in the sink.

Her love when I was having a bad day.

Wanting to be around the family all the time.

Laying under the rocking chair and resting her chin on the rocking leg.

Sleeping on Brian's legs at night.

Songs we would sing about her nibbling habits.

I have decided to use this little life experience to learn great lessons. I have learned when things become out of your control and cause great pain, you just have to surrender. You can't fix it, nothing will change it, you just have to let go and surrender the pain. This is where the Atonement comes greatly for me. I give it to him. If I can do this with this small little animal life to learn this experience so be it. Please let me learn this lesson through my cat and not my daughter or husband.

So there you go. To be honest, this event caused a lot of activities this weekend that I feel that I want to talk about on my blog. Some deep, some light hearted. But I have the urge to post of few things, so I will be back blogging again for a period of time.