Today would be a great day to do a gratitude post. My heart is full and I am overwhelmed with emotions at this time. Today should be the day that I turn around and express my gratitude like the one out of ten lepers that expresses his gratitude for being healed. I have been healed and I am turning around.
1. I am thankful for missionary work. Brian and I talk all the time about how we want to save our money and get the house paid for so that we may have the free time to be able to work at the temple, or hopefully be called on a couples mission. Oh, the joy it would bring to me to be able to talk doctrine 24 hours a day and not have people look at you weird because that is all you think about ALL the time. You talk church, they look at the badge, there is a mutal understanding.
This last month, we have had a young man taking the discussions in our home. This kid is amazing! He's only 18, but in many aspects he is very mature. Our relationship started with him months ago as he started dating one of my young woman. As I look back at all the instances and events that have happened, everything happened with a very specific purpose. Definately the Lord's hand in all of it.
My friend has decided to be baptized on his 19th Birthday, which is about a month away. He broke the news to me this last week, and I was so overwhelmed that I shouted for joy and gave him a hug. As I watched him the rest of the evening, his eyes were brighter than I have ever seen them. Truly he was happy and truly the spirit had touched him and he knows that he is making the right decision. How grateful I am to have been part of this missionary experience. I love the missionaries that are serving in our ward at this time and they make me laugh so much. As I was praying the other day, God gave me a very clear message. I don't need to pay off my home and wait until I am called by the first presidency to go out into the world to serve a mission, my calling has been made and I can be a missionary right now. To this opportunity, I am but the utmost grateful.
2. I am so grateful for my health. We have had a 10 day epidemic of sickness in our home. It started off with Shaeler vomitting, to Shae getting a head cold, to Brian getting a head cold, to mom getting the head cold/horrible sinus infection, to Shae vomitting again..........
As you can see, we haven't been the healthiest here. When I get a head cold, I immediately grab my best friend Afrin. I LOVE Afrin. Sore throut, cough, vomit I can tolerate. Not being able to breath and then not being able to sleep is pretty much torture for my life. Alas, the Afrin is a short term relationship of only 3 days. After that, I am on my own. I cannot take over the counter decongestants as they make my heart rate speed up and I feel even worse from that. So, I have to some how get through and survive until my sinuses will clear up.
I cannot tell you the joy and exuberance I felt when I went to bed and slept through the entire night like a log. WOW! How blessed am I to be healthy. Please know that I do not whine about my grievences because I know that there are friends around me who are suffering terribly at this time. I have a friend who is dying and leaving a wonderful husband and 5 daughters behind. I wish I could give her my health so these last days of her life she wouldn't be suffering in so much pain. I cannot heal her, but I know the Savior can.
3. I am so grateful for my little family. This is an extremely emotional issue for me at this time. I cannot express to you enough how much I love my little family. Brian is a wonderful, loving, kind man and I love him. Shaeler is the sweetest, adorable fresh breath of air in our home. Everyday, I yearn to be home with them more and more and just spend time together. We are doing our absolute best to be the family Heavenly Father wants us to be. And if it is just the 3 of us, so be it.
I had a dream the other night that I walked in to my grandmothers home. As I turned the corner, my grandma was sitting on the couch holding a baby. Sitting next to her was Loralei Gilmore from the Gilmore Girls holding another baby. I sat down in between the two of them and Loralei says to me "Isn't she beautiful?" In which my reply is yes. She then proceeds to tell me that I could not have that baby. The little girl was no longer mine. She told me her name and I was upset that she wouldn't at least let me hold the baby. I then turned to my grandmother who was sitting on my other side holding another baby and she smiled. And then I woke up.
I have no idea what is in the future for my family. I can tell you that we are doing everything we can to increase in number. However, as doors close for me and outlooks of opportunities look bleak, I want you to know that I am happy. I am at peace with this. Brian and I were talking last night about our millenial bodies and he says that he is looking forward to having a full head of hair again. He believes that everything that we have a decrease in this life, we will be blessed immeasurably with in the next life. Apparently for him, that will be hair. I told him that I couldn't really think of any decrease that I have suffered, to which he replied "children." I held back the overwhelming feeling of grief at that moment and decided that I look forward to that day when I will be blessed immeasurably!
4. I am extremely grateful for my friends. I am surrounded by incredible, powerful couples. My heart runneth over to think that I have friends that are women. Which are truly some amazing relationships. People who have inspired me to do better in my life. People who have taught me great lessons about life and relationships. People who love me inspite of my weaknesses and friends that I can sit around and just talk. And if I don't feel like talking, then that is fine too. Thank you to the amazing people who have accepted me and my husband in your lives. Thank you for the daily contacts and concerns or checking in to see how I am doing. Thank you for the invitations to hang out and be together. I appreciate your love more than you will ever know. Most of all, I appreciate the laughs and that you make me feel happy. Thank you!
5. I am grateful for my calling. Oh man, I have been stretched in ways I never thought possible. I am completely humbled by my calling in that I have become very aware of my weaknesses and inadequecies and I am grateful for it. In the beginning, I cried for many days. I truly did not feel qualified for what was being asked of me. Now, I have a better understanding of why. I am being taught. I am being blessed to have my prayers answered that I have an example to teach me to be loving, compassionate, and to see the bigger picture. I am honored to be able to work with these women. I am blessed beyond measure for the youth that I get to know and love. I find great joy in being given an assignment and running full speed to get it accomplished with the best effort that I can. I love getting to know multiple people in our stake and feeling like my church family is getting bigger and bigger. I am exhausted by all the demands that this calling asks of me, but at the end of the day, I am so grateful for this opportunity.
I have many more things that I am so gratful for, but I must stop here. Thank you for listening and reading my blog today. I love you!