Are we still good? Yes? Alrighty then, moving on!
To make a long story short, I bought the wrong pair of jeans at Macey's and decided to head back to the mall to exchange them with this time trying on the new pair of jeans before I bought them. So I head over to the jean section and decide to try a few pairs in the ladies changing room.
As I am putting on a pair of jeans and turn to look at myself in the mirror, I notice that I have a huge GINORMOUS pimple glaring at me on my chin! Just to rewind a little bit that I was having excruciating pain from an internal zit on my chin earlier that day, but it was the deep down kind. Killer! Well the volcanic acid had decided to form a nasty white, oh you know what I am talking about with a gigantic white pimple. The kind that you cannot help but stare at. Yeah! I cannot stand those on my face! I don't care, I can handle blood crusted, or scab covered pimples, but I cannot stomach the large white heads.
Have I grossed you out yet? Wait, it gets a lot worse from here.
Because of my distaste for such lifeforms, I wasn't about to go to the register and have the cashier stare at my large mountain on my chin that may or may not knock over the register as I turn my head. So, I made the decision to pinch the pimple in my public changing stall. There I said it, I pinch my pimples and this was in private public stall. I know that I have now publicly humiliated myself, but I have to draw the line that I will not stand for large volcanic pimples bursting in blasts on other people. Besides, it was going to be a quick squeeze and then the medications and skin cleaning when I got home. Or so I thought!
I did a quick pinch and all heck broke loose! The pressure was so intense from the squeeze that I blasted the mirror with a combination of puss, oil and blood. At first I was taken by surprise by the explosion and how much exploded and COVERED the mirror. I jumped back and thought "Oh no! How am I ever going to clear that mess off the mirror?" Its not like I carry my everyday Windex and paper towels with me all the time. I happened to have left that home the one and only day this happens. Just kidding, I really don't carry cleaning supplies with me.
So, I am tearing through my purse looking for a Kleenex, a piece of paper, SOMETHING to help me get the mirror clean. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, I couldn't find a thing. As I am going through the purse, I notice drops of blood dripping down onto my hands. I look through the junk filled mirror to find that my chin was now bleeding profusely. WHY?? Why does this happen to me? I couldn't wipe it on my shirt or clothing because if I came out of the stall with blood all over my clothes, what would the cash register lady think of me then?
I remembered one time that if you ever spill something big, you can always grab a diaper that will absorb liquids. As I am digging through my purse I notice the emergency tampons I keep in there either for myself or someone else. The only thought that crossed my mind was "absorbs liquids." So I rip open the smallest tampon and stretched it out as far as I could and started to wipe down the mirror. I remember thinking to myself, "Look at you MacGyver! Aren't you the creative one." After the mirror was cleaned off, I held the tampon to my blood dripping chin to get the bleeding to stop. What was this volcanic pimple attached to a main artery or something. I mean, I know head wounds bleed a lot, but does that include acne?
Needless to say, the one tampon was enough to handle the entire mess. I cleaned my self up the best I could and then exchanged the pants. Oh, the humanity of the entire experience. So, do you ask the question: Why on earth would I share such a embarrassing, humiliating moment with all of you?
Because one day, you might find yourself in a pinch with a blood gushing wound, and I want you to think of me and my story and think "maybe a tampon would work in this situation?" You too can be a MacGyver and impress all your friends with your quick thinking and limited supplies in your purse.
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