Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Summer Alarm

I awake this morning with a little anxiety. My summer alarm is slowly coming over the mountain and making it's precense known through the large rectangle window above my bed. I am in that state of half asleep and half awake and yet I am dreaming of words. Not actually visualizing the words, but hearing them in my head.
As these words are flowing and then becoming jumbled up, I sit up in my bed with a draw of breath. My heart is pounding and my hands feel numb. Today is the day I have been waiting for. My nerves begin to take over and my mind races. I just don't want to mess it up.
Brian is still asleep and promised me a blessing 2 nights ago. I won't bother him now but I need some sort of comfort at this moment. I walk across the house to my daughter's room. She is not present right now, but I can feel her in her room. I can hear her voice and I chuckle as I look at the arrangements she had made on her shelf and bed before she left. That child is something else.
I kneel down at her bedside and plead for the help that I seek. I quickly come to the conclusion that all I have left is sheerly my faith and the rest is up to him. Please be with me today, I can't do this without You. I sit up and open Shaeler's blinds as her window views out to our garden. I sit on her bed cross legged and say the words that have been imprinted on my heart. Please let them come clearly and freely. A sense of peace begins to take over and an over whelming feeling of everything will be alright.
I head back to my bedroom and Brian is still asleep. I wonder how he can sleep when the summer alarm is in full shine on the wall across from our bed. I grabbed an apple before I came in. He tries to look at me as I crunch down on my juicy apple.
There are some days that I actually wish it was winter. When the summer alarm goes off at 5:30 am or somewhere in there. In the winter, the alarm is set for 7:00 or later. But this morning, even with the fear, the anxiety and the panic, I am grateful for a peaceful way to be awoken this morning.
I can feel the warmth of the Son!


Cherie said...

I'm also right on the cusp - summer will soon be over and I am sad but I SO look forward to Fall!!
The alarm starts going off at my house tomorrow morning for the first time in months - I'm not fond of that sound but it does bring fun change and new possibilities and always...the son!

Julie Harward said...

Thank God for the Son...don't know what I would do without him! :D

Eva C. said...

Suzanne, you did a wonderful job in Stake Conference yesterday. If that is what you were anxious about, the Lord did bless you. My family was impressed that you didn't use any notes and kept eye contact with the congregation the whole time. The spirit was really there. Good job!


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