Thursday, February 2, 2012

A life lived in fear, is a life half lived (and it is very lonely!)

Look at me!  I can do this!

I have been debating for months now whether to let go of my blog, facebook, pintrest, every and all social media distractions.  Not an easy one to make and something kept saying in my heart "it's not time to say goodbye."

In many ways, my time is so limited and the distractions cause me a ton of stress.  TON!  Even when I know better, I can use them as an excuse for not doing what I am suppose to be doing.  Like right now, I am training the Ma/Pas for Trek tonight, and I have not fully cemented what I am going to train on (it's in my head) but for some reason, I feel a stronger pull to post a blog.  Go figure?

So, why am I here now?  Posting?  Honestly, a couple of days ago, I was very sad.  Melancholy, unhappy and discouraged.  I couldn't put my finger on it until it hit me, I am feeling very lonely!

I went to our Stake Women's Conference last Saturday and I greeted some of my dear friends in the Stake.  They asked me how I was doing and I expressed my love for them.  I normally hug these ladies, but with a recent head cold and congested voice, I apologized for not my normal greetings.  My friends reply completely caught me off guard, she said "That's ok, you are way above us now, you don't have to  worry about impressing us here on the lower level."  or something to that extent. 

We are on different levels?  What?  Hold the phone!  I know she was paying me a compliment, but what she has said has haunted me for the past week. 

I have thought over the last month or so and find that my feelings of isolation are the majority of my own fault.  Have I separated myself from those around me, so they would think that I am placing myself on a different level?  I would post things on social media's and then delete them in fear that I might offend or upset.  I would have blog posts come to my mind and then blow them off in my own feelings that nobody really cares to read about that.  I stopped writing thank you notes because I feel that I would have to write 5 a day to thank those who help me. 

Bottom line, I'm living a life in fear.

Well, no more!  I am taking the bulls by the horn and not holding back the good parts of me.  Because when you get the truth, I'm really just an ordinary girl with lots of dreams. 

So here is the update on our family since last November.  We have been very busy and also are very exhausted. 

1.  November was a very hard month for me.  The Stake YW President had surgery and so the responsibility of running the show fell on me.  We had 3 major events happen in November.  A missionary fireside, a recognition dinner and 7 YW in Excellence's to attend.  We made it through with flying colors and I just kept counting down to December 1st to hand the responsibility back to President Monson and almost take the month of December off.   HA!  That would have been nice.

The Sunday after Thanksgiving, I was called to be the new Stake Young Women President and my husband was called to be a High Councilman a week later.  I did not see that coming at that time and with all the events in the new year, I was shocked.  It has been a whirlwind of emotions and work and I am learning so much.  In some ways, this is the coolest thing ever and in other ways, I.AM.BEING.STRETCHED!

2.  As a family, we have decided to have small adventures every month so that we can spend time together either as a family or as a couple.  We have done Little America, St. George, Ice Skating, and soon we are going to see the Golden Spike.  I know, try not to get jealous.

3.  My husband is now the proud owner of 2 companies.  He has worked for his dad for 18 years and is now the owner of his family's company.  This was so exciting for us as he can now take the company in the direction that he wants it to go and that is a wonderful payoff for the stress of running the business.

4.  Shaeler is doing very well.  After mom had a breakdown with her school teacher in November, we are taking a much more relaxed feeling with her homework.  She wants to start singing lessons, but I told her she has to practice 2 solid weeks of piano before we start into singing.  So far, she has been working very diligently.

5.  I want to start living my life with a fuller purpose of living my dreams and setting goals.  I have a personal assistant (electronically) that reminds me of all the things I need to do on a daily basis.  I think life would be full with more joy if there were weekly goals to achieve my personal dreams too.  I am working on a list.   I want it to be fun. 

I'm still here, please don't forget me!  I am doing the best that I can and I love you all!

Thanks for being my friend!


Kristen said...

Don't worry - I don't think you're better than me. ;) Ha!

Movie night soon? Ask your personal assistant when you have a free night and let me know!

Mackenzie said...

Glad to know you are still around. I really miss you.

Heather said...

I am glad to hear that you are not going to stop blogging. It is okay to take some time off too. I did that a lot last year. Life does get busy. And you have been busy! And wow with your new calling and your husband's! That is really exciting for both of you! Hang in there! You can do it!

BTW my word verification is bibles! Isn't that awesome!

Renee Hill said...

Hey kiddo!! I agree with Kristen!! Be the person you are and know I love you!


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