Monday, May 14, 2012

St. George to Home

I couldn't believe it!  Through a few painful and awkward days of being with Brian and him not wanting much to do with me, I was finally sitting in his truck with him. 

Patience paid off as previously I would go to sit down by him and talk to him and he would get up and walk off.  I did have a 2 hour drive back and forth with him to Las Vegas, but it was not the appropriate time to openly and publicly admit "hey, I was a scumbag to you.  Is there anyway we can be friends again?" type of conversation with others in the vehicle. 

But here I was sitting with him driving down Bluff Street in the green Ford truck he bought when he got home from his mission.  I was nervous, anxious, fearful and tongue tied.  Here I was so anxious to talk to him again and I didn't dare say a word.  What if I said something wrong?  Offended him again?  What if I say things from my heart and he would react with a "Thanks, but I've moved on." 

So, I said a little prayer in my heart to seek help. 

I can remember so clearly the thought that ran through my head next.

"You are where you are suppose to be." 

I knew that it wasn't a reference of St. George, Utah driving on Bluff Street.

It was a very clear message that I was suppose to be sitting next to Brian and that was where I wanted to stay the rest of my life.  Those same feelings of "home" I talked about before gave me that peaceful happy feeling to confirm my thoughts.

We had no clue as to where to drive to, so we hiked the top of the Sugar Loaf where the Dixie sign is painted.

We sat there and talked for the first time in years like we use to talk.  I remember that a friend talked me into having acrylic nails done and as I was talking to him, I started ripping them off.  I had an overwhelming sensation that I no longer wanted to be the girl I had become the last 6 months.  I wanted to return to the old me, the me that Brian knew before all of the mistakes in the last little while, the me that both he and I liked and trusted.

It was a sweet tender moment of friend talking to friend.   We had returned back to where we started.  Friends talking openly and knowing that the other could be trusted with whatever was said. 

No, I did not tell him that I realized that night that I had received my own personal revelation that we were meant to be together.  In fact, when we headed home for Salt Lake, there had been no further discussion or plans to have a date, let alone talk to each other ever again. 

Reality of it all was, I needed to return home and prepare for graduation and Brian was returning home to his job, the girl he was dating and saying good bye to his best friend for another 2 years.

Returning home was bittersweet.  I had found my best friend again but now I had to deal with the consequences of previous decisions that led us to the point we were at.  It was my turn to show him that I was the great girl and I knew I was going to have to go in and fight for him with all of my heart and strength to win him back.

Yes, we were all returning home that day, but I had been lost for quite some time and to return to my home was going to be a tough journey.  But I knew with every fiber of my being, it was where I was suppose to be.


Jenice said...
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Jenice said...

St George is the place that I heard the small voice say "this is the one". That is when I knew I was going to marry your dad.


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